In the Infinite Realm of Wisdom
rests the books of every age.
Some were written by spirits of
power and some by nomadic mage.
Inside the realm at a table of wood
sits the master of these tomes.
His name is Thuul and there he's
traveling wherever imagination roams.
Surrounding him are volumes of
knowledge he uses to evolve.
He's learning spells and potions
and the ingredients they involve.
With the Tablet of Drawing he can
create a vial that fills up with liquor.
The Book of Wonder teaches him a
poultice to make a person sicker.
Then, he traveled to where his friend
Skorpeia liked to prepare her meals.
So, I've been working really hard on
brand new pitches for the military. I'm
hoping to interest them in my new gun
designs.
For starters, I have a revolver variant
and its barrel is shaped like a couple of
fingers. It's a Hand Gun.
I have a larger version of
the hand gun, it's a Hand Cannon.
Also, I have a smaller version, it's a mini-gun.
I made one that fires
acrylic cuticle enhancements...a nail gun.
I have a gun that shoots out tracks
for a steam locomotive. It's a Rail Gun.
Please sit still and try to smile,
put that down, you juvenile!
Why do you insist on running?
Stop pinching him and who is humming?!
Someone go outside and see
why your mom keeps calling me.
The meat will burn if I don't check.
GET DOWN RIGHT NOW you'll break your neck!
Your whining stabs me in the heart...
The dog ate cheese I smelled its fart.
Help me, God, the table's set.
What I make is what you get.
I wear my harvest
'cause I'm sickle
from the cold snap,
nasal trickle,
and it's combine
with a fickle
year of weather.
My throat's tickle
stops my work day.
It's a pickle.
Listen here children, I'll tell y'all a Cow tale.
There was a Cow spot for Cow boys to drink,
a place where they could Cow poke fine ladies.
A Cow hand could find himself in a fight,
Cow punchers found a way out pretty quick,
but mostly people came to chew the cud.
Bartenders demand hefty Cow tipping
for their delectable, home grown Cow pies.
For vegans, green salads with Cattle ranch.
Then, one night someone showed up to Cow hide.
His truck was Cow Towed; he was skipping town.
He was too dumb to Steer, and that's no Bull.
He had been caught, drunk, laying on the horn.
He sat down,
Happy Valentine's Day Everyone by InsanityAdjuster, literature
Literature
Happy Valentine's Day Everyone
Being chased by a fat naked pervert with wings
Being shot with arrows with poisonous stings
Receiving tooth-rotting treats in a heart-shaped box
Opening cards that sing of love in horrible squawks
OH MY GAWD can you please make it GO AWAY
This awful nightmare they call Valentine’s Day!
As the wind *whistles* through the bristles of my mighty mustache,
I admit a sense of excitement caused my veins to pump BUMP.
I expertly inhaled a hefty sniff of sweet oxygen
and leapt into the buzzzzz of the crisp atmosphere before me.
The steely tension caused a crack and a pop! inside of my chest
as my godly pectorals braced for the cold slap! of the wind.
As, shirtless, I *whooped* into my secret and cavernous hole,
isolated from the rest of the busy world, I guffawed!
Wonderful elation elicited ecstatic yee-haws!
I felt an uncontrollable thumping through my arteries,
I pulled my rip cord and released my parachute...and then snap!
As
Wrapped tightly at nightly,
to safeguard 'gainst blightly,
dig six feet down rightly.
Look down from the heightly,
The moon shines so brightly
While zombies are bitely
on humans who fightly.
April and May came hard and wet, with perspiration,
I conversed with June in tones of hot, terse flirtation
increasing my adrenaline and circulation,
I finished off Summer with some carnal pervasion.